Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes. My birthday was Saturday and Jamie's was Sunday. Not exactly normal birthdays but I guess we are both another year older. I remember last year I had strep throat for my birthday and thought THAT sucked, man what I would give to just be dealing with strep throat. :)
Saturday did not start out the greatest. We needed to take Owen in a for a blood draw at Children's Hospital to check his seizure medicine levels. It's a quick stop in the lab and we have done it many times in the past. Well I kind of had a feeling it wasn't going to go well. Owen just hasn't been himself since his 6 day hospital stay in January and I think that stay really scared him. Well we got about a mile from Children's and Owen realized where we were going and started sobbing and kicking the back of Jamie's seat. Jamie dropped us off and was going to circle around quickly in the car with Jacob while I took Owen in. Well I texted Jamie after about 30 minutes that I needed his help. I couldn't even physically get Owen in the elevator he was so hysterical. So Owen and I both sat sobbing waiting for Jamie to come in. Jamie didn't have much luck either. Jamie finally just picked him up and we took him in the elevator kicking and screaming. Once we got up the second floor I just walked into the lab and signed him in, I couldn't even pull myself together enough to help Jamie out. Jacob and I stood in the lab and waited, we could hear Owen screaming WAY down the hall. Finally Jamie came into the lab holding Owen and Jamie was just sobbing too and then we sat there as a family of four, everyone but Jacob crying until they called Owen's name. Agh, it's just the worst. The worst that I didn't even have it in me to be there for Owen. When we got him in the room we had to pin him to the floor to even get his winter coat off and then I had to sit in the chair and use all my strength to hold him as they drew the blood. It was quick and then we were out of there. I just can't put into words how much your heart hurts to see your child so upset and scared and knowing there is nothing you can do to help. We HAD to draw blood, i wanted nothing more than to say "screw it and leave" but that just wasn't an option. Great start to my 33rd birthday.
I ran into the grocery store on the way home to grab some donuts because I just really wanted donuts for my birthday. I got back into the car to see Jamie still hadn't pulled himself together from the whole ordeal at the hospital which of course just made me cry again. I have said numerous times that the one thing about Jamie and I is that we never have bad days together, when one of us is down the other is always strong. Well Saturday was our first time where that was not the case. We both got inside, sat the boys down and gave them both a donut and then Jamie and I just walked out of the dining room and cried. It was bad, I could see that Jamie was having a harder time than me so I forced myself to pull it together and go out with the boys. It's just so crappy and we never want to let Owen and Jacob see us like that but it's hard some days. So it wasn't the greatest start to the most amazing birthday ever BUT we pulled ourselves together and managed to enjoy the rest of the day.
My family came over for dinner to celebrate with us. Owen and Jacob had fun playing with their cousins Emma and Ben and we all had fun snuggling Piper. We even managed to get all five of them on the couch together for a few quick photos! Not an easy task I will have you know!
We had a great dinner thanks to Beth C. who gave us some amazing soup! Beth was so sweet and also gave me flowers for my birthday, a delicious dessert and she even had a toy for Jacob and Owen. Owen was already in his Joker costume and was BEYOND excited to get a little Joker figure! Thank you SO much Beth for being so sweet!
Then Sunday was Jamie's birthday. Our good friend Leah dropped off some super good steaks and all the fixings for a perfect meal for Jamie. He was excited to get the grill out and Owen was really excited to help cook. Owen can season a steak like no other! :) (Should I be embarrassed that my kids are pretty much always in pjs?)
Jacob had fun playing with the toys that Leah had dropped off for them too. (PJs again, at least he's in shoes, ha)
Today I started my FOURTH week of radiation. More than half way done! I got to take a nice long nap today which I needed badly. I am SO tired these days, like can fall asleep at any given moment if I just closed my eyes. Owen had school today and I wore my wig to drop him off. When we walked into Owen's classroom one of his buddies looked at me and said "I LOVE your new haircut" in the most sincere sweet voice ever. Made my day, seriously, it was the highlight of my day. Kids are honest, I know this first hand. This weekend I had been wearing hats in the mornings and evenings just to save my wig so I don't have to wash and style it as often. I want to keep my head covered because Owen is really sensitive right now and I know he would be freaked out by my balding head. Anyways, I have been trying out different hats. It's weird, I am having to get used to it myself and I am very self conscious about it. I am fine with a baseball hat but they are sometimes annoying to wear inside all day as they block some of your view. So I had on this purple hat Saturday night after the kids went to bed, just a little knit hat from the Small Stones store at Froedert. I was kind of self conscious but was trying to adjust to it and my mom, Abi and Jamie all kept telling me they really liked it. Not sure if they really did like it or were taking pity on me. Well I threw it on again in the morning instead of my wig and as I sat on the couch Owen looked and me and told me he really didn't like the hat and that I should take it off. Thanks Owen, way to pump me up and make me feel great about my new look. :) I know it has to be weird for him to see me looking different but jeez the honestly that comes from a five year old.
Overall we had a good weekend. Thank you everyone for the birthday love! I definitely know this coming year will be an uphill battle but I am ready for it. I hope that this year is a hard battle that will lead to many more I repeat MANY more happy less stressful years in our future!
Having a great few days so far visiting with my sister Abi, Piper and my mom. Jacob has even taking a liking to my mom. He even allowed her to cut his finger nails today. This is NO easy task. My mom is still recovering from her knee replacement surgery but is doing really well and enjoying spending time with the grandkids! Abi will be here through next Monday and I really look forward to catching up with her more. Not sure what we expected this visit to be like but we both cried it out this afternoon about how I wished I could be more help with Piper and she cried about how she wished she could be more help for me. We both cried and admitted we were both just tired and doing our best and that neither of us expected the other to be helping, we were just happy to be with each other. Poor Jamie having to deal with all of us. :)
Anyone want to see some cute Piper pics?
For now, I ask that you pray that we get back into a routine around here. Owen is really struggling, he is just not himself. He is usually the happiest kid on earth and has been so quiet and withdrawn lately. It's definitely my biggest stress right now. I just want him to be a fun five year old kid that laughs and plays with his buddies and doesn't have a care in the world. My heart is just so heavy that he isn't himself lately. Feeling like it's my fault that I can't fix things for him and make it all better. I would give anything to just make his world go back to normal. Tonight after dinner he went to the bathroom and was in there for awhile so we went in to check on him and he was standing there scared to death. He had found a small spot in his hair that was sticky. Probably food from lunch but he was insisting it was glue from the doctors. When he was in the hospital in January he had glue all over from his EEG and it took awhile to get it all out. Well this was over a month ago and feeling this tiny bit of food in his hair tonight took him right back to his hospital stay. We had to reassure him a million times that it was just food and we washed it out but he was still shaken up. I think between that and the blood draw incident, we are seeing just how big of an impact that hospital stay had on him, not to mention that his gross motor, fine motor and speech are all still lagging from the bad seizure he had while he was there. It's just so hard to see your child struggle as I am sure all parents out there will agree. So please pray that he gets back to his normal self soon, very SOON!
Well this was a pretty long post, I should stop typing and chat with my mom and Abi. Thanks so much to everyone for the love and support. Thanks to Beth and Leah for the meal over the weekend! Thanks to Windi for the amazing meal tonight. Thanks to Beth, Lindsey and Aunt Karla and Uncle Mike for the birthday flowers.
Ok, I NEVER take "selfies" but had to share this one. :) This was after radiation today. I was able to get my wig back on in the radiation room without a mirror. Thanks again Lindsey for all your hard work. Amazing how your mood can change by just feeling good about yourself. I am just rereading this and wondering if some people out there will think I am superficial for talking like this but you know what, this is me. I am NOT superficial in the LEAST. I am just a 33 year old mom trying to hold it together and between my health issues, Owen's struggles and Jacob's feisty attitude I think I should be allowed to at least feel good about how I look every once in awhile. :) Everyone woman out there should feel good about themselves and have self confidence, it helps us take on the world, whether it be a job interview, a big presentation at work, meeting a group of moms for the first time at a playdate or battling a brain tumor, everything is easier when you are happy with yourself and who you are.
Thanks again for following my journey!