Well today didn't go as planned. Owen and Jacob were both supposed to be back and school and daycare today but this morning when we mentioned school Owen had a full out melt down. Our hearts broke for him and we knew it was partly because he hasn't been to school in like 3 weeks so just getting back into the routine would be hard but we also know he is still struggling on his medication. After a few looks between Jamie and I of "what are we supposed to do, send him to school or let him stay with us" we decided to let him stay home today and tomorrow and start him up on Monday. We both just felt he wasn't ready. Tomorrow we increase his daily seizure medication to the final full level that he will be at for good AND we stop giving him the second medication. So hopefully this weekend he will have time to level off and feel more like himself. We were glad we kept him home too because we ran into Menards after my radiation dry run and he almost fell over a few times just walking around the big store from being so dizzy. :(
So we dropped Jacob off at daycare and for the first time ever he RAN into his room all excited to play. I think he has been cooped up far too long. It was so nice to see so many of the other mom's at school. I got lots of hugs and smiles which was so nice! Then we zipped through Target really quick. Owen is usually really good but is SO emotional lately on his medication and had the world's biggest melt down when we were leaving that we didn't get a toy. We literally could barely get him out of the store. I guess I should consider myself lucky, I know lots of moms deal with this on a regular basis, this is the first time I have had to deal with it. I am sure Jacob will give us a run for our money though!
So after we finally got him into the car we made our way over to Froedert, as we were about to pull into the parking garage we got a call from them asking where I was. Apparently we had a miscommunication and I was supposed to be there at 10 NOT 10:30. So we literally ran into the building and got up there at 10:15. They were able to get me right back into the room. Jamie and Owen stayed in the waiting area as I walked into the back, it was so quick I really didn't even have time to think. I had to remove my scarf and ponytail and lay down on the table. They prop your knees on a nice soft pillow and cover you with a warm blanket, seems so nice and cozy and then they strap the face mask on. JEEZ!!!!! That thing was EXTRA tight, more proof that my face is SO swollen. My head was locked down to that table nice and tight. Then they ask you a few questions which you have to awkwardly answer through the mask when you can barely move your lips. It's kind of like when the dentist has a hundred tools in your mouth and that stupid drool sucker and he is asking questions that you are supposed to answer. Since we had Owen with us Jamie wasn't able to snap a photo as we didn't want Owen to see me like this, we will try and get a photo on Monday. Once everything was positioned they did some scans, took two x rays and that was it. They said everything looked perfect and then gave me the option of starting treatment today. It would only take 5 minutes but also said there was no reason that I needed to start today and that Monday was fine they just wanted to give me the option. I thought for a minute, this meant I would have to come back tomorrow and Friday for treatment as well and I don't have rides and my mind was set on Monday so I just said "Monday, let's start on Monday". So that is the plan. 10:45 on Monday starts my 6 or 7 week treatment. You hear that tumor 10:45 on Monday and you are going DOWN!!
I am not sure how most people feel walking into the radiation room for the first time but I felt good. Strong, optimistic, happy... this is the place that is going heal me, help me live lots more years with my boys. I laid on the table and had nothing but positive thoughts and I walked out of there with a big smile on face, told the three amazing people that will be working with me each day that I look forward to seeing them and just left there feeling like I can totally can do this.
I GOT THIS!
Then it was back to the waiting room to meet back up with Jamie and Owen. They both laughed at the waffle imprints all over my face! Man, it's not enough that you have brain tumor, you will loose your hair but they also have to put you on steroids that make you gain weight and balloon up, can a girl CATCH a break! My mission for the rest of the this week is to finalize my schedule for daycare and rides, order some hats and wigs as I will start loosing my hair in as little as two weeks, BOO and research wig places. I want to make sure that through this all I still feel confident, like a woman, not only a woman but a cute one too! I know it sounds stupid and petty but I just don't want to look in the mirror and see someone that looks sick, I want to look confident and sassy and fun because that is what I AM!
I didn't take any photos today, so here is one my favs of the boys from this past fall. Love these two!
Thank you SO much to everyone that posted photos on my Facebook wall yesterday and today. So fun and so inspirational to see everyone! Congrats to Erin who won a $50 Amazon gift card. Everyone that posted their photo yesterday was entered in the drawing. Also, thanks to Michelle for the yummy dinner tonight!