Friday, January 31, 2014

My Last Weekend Before Treatment Begins

Well it's officially my last weekend before treatment begins.  I do kind of wish that we could have had Owen back in school a few days this past week just to get into some sort of routine.  I have felt pretty tired and worn out these last few days.  Falling asleep on the couch during the day while watching movies with the boys and falling asleep again on the couch watching tv with Jamie at 9:30 or 10pm, neither of which is very like me.  This cold winter weather doesn't help perk you up either, or the fact that I have been home with Owen and Jacob for FOURTEEN days straight now.  Well Jacob went to daycare once but other than that, we have been home all day everyday for 14 days other than some doctor visits and a trip to Target and one amazing spa day the other weekend.  I am so looking forward to being able to DRIVE again, just to be able to run out to the store, run an errand, run to Panera for lunch with the boys, just to be able to have some freedom to get out! 

I am looking forward to tomorrow.  My mom's amazing friend Barb messaged me through Facebook that she would like to treat me to a massage before I start radiation so I have a 9am massage tomorrow morning!  So looking forward to that.  My sister in law Niki is picking me up at 8:15am tomorrow and driving me to the spa and then we are getting brunch afterwards.  Jamie has a ton of work to get done around the house so he is taking Owen and Jacob to my other sister in law Lindsay's house for the day.  This will be great, Owen and Jacob can get a change of scenery for the day, Jamie will have a full day to get stuff done and when I am done with my massage and brunch Niki will drive me to Lindsay's house so we can hang out and play with kids until Jamie comes and picks us up after dinner.  It's so weird having to coordinate so many rides and things because I can't drive.  Thankfully everyone has been so amazing and willing to help.

Then Sunday we will get stuff done around the house and just have everything in order and ready to go before radiation starts on Monday.  Hoping that I handle radiation really well and am able to do continue going on with my life with maybe just needing a nap and 9pm bedtime everyday.  Really hoping that I don't experience any of the other things that can go along with radiation to your brain such as severe headaches, vomiting and really SCARED for more brain swelling and the potential for another seizure, like REALLY scared for that.  I just feel so good and normal now, kind of a bummer to know that time is coming to an end and that in two weeks my hair will be gone and most likely my energy will be gone too.  Although my treatments only lasts 6 or 7 weeks they say the side effects usually last 2-6 months AFTER treatment so even though I will be done with treatment in mid March I may still be pretty sluggish for months after.  REALLY hoping that I am not too tired or too out of it.  Just crossing my fingers that this six weeks flies by, that my tumor responds to the treatment as well as we could hope for and that we can just continue on with normal life for awhile.  

I have been searching Etsy today for hats and wraps.  I will be going to a wig specialist next week too.  I know I will spend lots of time in hats and possibly wraps although I don't think my tiny pin head will be able to pull off those cute head wraps.  Plus, seeing the wraps and hats just seem to point out that you are sick to me for some reason.  I feel like I will feel so much better looking in the mirror and seeing hair so I really want to get a nice wig that will make me feel comfortable and confident.  I think I am most nervous for sleeping and waking up in the mornings.  Having to take off whatever is on my head and face to truth of whatever my head will look like.  When I go in to get Jacob in the morning, do I walk in there with my bald head, put on a baseball hat at 5:30am, put on my wig?  What will Jamie think sleeping next to his bald wife?  I just don't see myself enjoying or liking walking around bald or half bald.  In fact, I see myself crying a lot over it.  Why is that?  Why can't I see it as positive, that my hair falling out means the radiation should be working, killing not only my hair follicles but more importantly my TUMOR!  Why do I even care about my hair at all when I have a brain tumor, isn't that what I should be crying about right now, not my stupid hair?  So many women have gone through this though, I am not alone.  I will get through this.  I will figure this out and find my way.  It will just be kind of shitty, this whole situation is really shitty actually.

Well enough whining about my hair.  The boys and I had a nice day today.  Lots of chasing, tickling, movies and Wii.  My sister Kim stopped over last night for a bit and brought Owen some Batman pajamas which he LOVED!  We had to put Jacob in some super hero pjs too.  Here are some photos of them from today.  They are such goofs.  Owen seems to be doing much better on his medicine.  Seems much sturdier, still pretty emotional though and his right side is still really tight, it never really loosened up from his seizure and he refuses to let me stretch him.  Another great reason to get him back in school, so his amazing physical therapist Pat can work with him!

Crazy man flying around all day on his toys.

The second he hears daddy in the bathroom in the morning he runs over and barges in.

BATMAN!   Eating his healthy Pop Tart breakfast.  :)

 A rare moment of Jacob sitting and reading a book.

 Super Hero Brothers

Sweetie Pie!

In other news, my mom had double knee replacement surgery on Wednesday and just got home from the hospital today.  She is doing okay, in a lot of pain and obviously has a long recovery ahead of her.  Send lots of heal fast vibes her way.  She's pretty tough herself but this was a big surgery and she has a challenging few weeks ahead of her.  Feel so bad we aren't able to do anything to help her.  Love you Mom!  :(

Well, I am about ready for bed myself.  Think Jamie and I might watch Shark Tank and then head to bed.  Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Special thanks to Joy for the yummy dinner last night!  The banana bread is amazing!  And thanks also to Jen for the great dinner we had tonight!  
From Owen and I...
Good night!


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