Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Seventh Month Slump

Wow, just realized I hadn't blogged in almost TWO months.  Yikes.  Thought I'd write a short blog since I have had lots of people messaging me wondering how I have been doing.  I finished up my seventh month of chemo in mid-October.  My sixth month was TERRIBLE so I was nervous for my 7th round but it went okay.  Nothing horrible, just tired and unable to eat much.  I kind of got into a rut after my 7th round.  I was just kind of over the whole situation.  Over the doctor appointments, the meds, the headaches every time the weather changed, the never ending fights with our insurance, just kind of over being so positive.  I walked around for a day or two being crabby and having a little pity party for myself.  Then I remembered back to my high school cross country days.  I can remember that about two-thirds of the way through every race I thought to myself "I should just quit, this isn't fun, I should just pretend I rolled my ankle and start walking".  Well I never let myself do that, I worked through the mental struggle and I ALWAYS finished strong.  I would like to think this is the same, I am a little over half way through my year long chemo and I just want it to be over.  Hopefully I can make it a little further, get out of this seventh month slump, get through the 8th month, see the finish line and finish strong.

Unfortunately, my mind was not the only thing getting sick and tired of month after month chemo.. my body has also had enough.  I was supposed to start my 8th month of chemo yesterday but my body hasn't fully recovered since the 7th round so I have to wait another week.  I get weekly CBC blood draws to make sure everything looks okay before starting another round and apparently my body is a little tired and beat down.  My white blood cell numbers keep going down so until they go up... I wait. I go back in on Monday for a recheck, hoping things look okay because honestly at this point I just want to get on with it and get this year of chemo behind me.  So fingers crossed that my blood work looks okay on Monday so I can start chemo.

I think the constant doctors appointments, MRIs, blood draws, etc are more exhausting than the actual diagnosis and treatment itself.  It's like your whole life revolves around it.  You get a one week window each month where you feel 100%, the other 3 weeks you are either EXHAUSTED, unable to eat or having major anxiety about upcoming MRIs.  I think about how life was a year ago and it's amazing how far we come and also amazing how much our lives have changed.  It's weird that it's almost Thanksgiving, the last big holiday we had before everything changed.  So thankful and SO blessed that I have made it this far.  Imagine someone telling you that in the next year you will undergo brain surgery, 6 weeks of radiation and chemo and we are going to shave your head as long as we are at it.  It's almost hard to comprehend that I have undergone all that in the last eleven months.  Yet, here I stand... still full of fight and spunk, even if I do have a pity party every now and then. 

I have been meaning to blog for awhile and just never have the energy to sit down and do it recently.  Today a friend from high school posted on my Facebook page that she completed a half marathon this past weekend.  She was about a mile from the finish and her phone stopped working so she had no music.  She wanted to quit.  She finally got her music to come back on and Timber came on, my song... she said I instantly came to her mind and her legs started going again and she thought of all I have fought through this past year and that if I could make it through that, then she could make it through this last mile.  This just made my day.  Made me sit down and post a blog to thank everyone that has cheered me on.  People tell me all the time that I have inspired them but really I have gained so much strength and inspiration from all of you.  I would not have made it this far in my treatment without such an amazing support system!  

Well I am off to bed.  Thanks for reading.  Here are some recent family photos from the AMAZING Katie of Katie Geier Photography.

HUGE thanks to Katie for the amazing photos that we will treasure forever!  She was wonderful to work with and so great with the boys.



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