Saturday, December 21, 2013
This past Sunday, I woke up at 3am with a numb foot. I ended up getting out of bed and walking to the bathroom where i got stuck. I was walking in a circle knowing that I was walking in a circle but unable to change my path. I called Jamie for help and things quickly progressed to me having a terrible grand mal seizure. I was immediately taken via ambulance to ER for an emergency cat scan only to be told that I have a large brain tumor. I don't think there are words to explain the thoughts that go through your head when a doctor tells you something like this. Anger, confusion, fear, you name it, I felt it. I was immediately transferred to a better hospital for additional testing and then put under for emergency brain surgery so they could get a biopsy on the tumor.
I am home now recovering with my family as we await the results of the biopsy to see what our next plan on attack it. I am praying with all my heart that the results come back that this is benign but either way, I am WAY stronger than this stupid tumor, this tumor will NOT kill my spirit. This tumor gets a big old fuck you from me! That's what I think of it. I am a busy mom, i plan THE BEST birthday parties, I already had a list of fun stuff to do with my boys in 2014 including teaching Owen to water ski and tube behind our boat and this tumor will NOT be messing with my visions for 2014, i can tell you that! My boys NEED me, I need them! This tumor is nothing we can't handle! We will take it as it comes and keep on smiling and moving forward!
Writing has always been therapeutic for me so feel free to follow my blog for my ups and downs. So far I feel like I am on a roller coaster. I start out strong in the morning and slowly go down hill both emotionally and physically as the day goes on but all in all, I can't complain. The outpouring of support we have been shown so far has been so heart warming. Reading everyone's encouraging words and hearing people cheer me on has kept my spirits up so thank you so much for that.
So welcome to my blog! Right now I am trying to find a good balance. I feel like I need to spend every minute snuggling my kids but physically i don't have the strength for it right now and if I snuggle too much more with Jacob I fear he may send one of his wooden trains through my head, he's kind of a stinker! Owen has been AMAZING, i expected nothing less. When I am feeling down he has come over out of nowhere and just given me a kiss and walked away, this is SO Owen. Jacob on the other hand takes more of the approach of "get over it mom, you're fine now get me a pop tart".
Hope everyone snuggles their family extra close this Christmas! Love to all! Off to go rest my eyes!
I GOT THIS.