I GOT THIS.

A long day.  The boys were really testing the limits today.  Jamie had to run into work today to get a few things done so my sister in law Lindsay came from 9-11 to help with Owen and Jacob and then my sister Kim came from 11-1.  Then Jamie came home and then my other sister in law Amy came from 4-6 so Jamie could do some last minute Christmas shopping.  The boys were FIESTY today.  I think they are stir crazy, wondering why mommy is just laying around and not being her normal self.  I knew it was coming sooner or later but Jacob officially cracked me directly in the head with a wii game box.  Then Owen started screaming and freaking out, Jacob started crying, I started crying, it was an ugly sight to say the least.  Jacob kept wanting to snuggle with me which made Owen mad because he wanted me to himself so there were lots of instances of them literally hitting, kicking and biting each other on my lap while I just sat there and cried.  We are going to need to bring some normalcy back to their lives and get them out of the house before we all end up in the crazy house.

Sounds like I will be sporting my greasy hair for Christmas.  Looks like the soonest I will be going in for staple removal will be Friday and we still aren't sure if I will even get my biopsy results at that time.  I still strongly believe that them waiting so long with the results can only mean good things.  I mean if you have bad cancer that is spreading through your body they would start treatment RIGHT AWAY.  The fact that they are looking at waiting almost two weeks can ONLY mean one thing.. that this stupid thing is benign.  Plus I REFUSE to accept that the answer could be anything else anyways.  

I am having a horrible time sleeping at night.  It's the worst.  My mind races, i swear I have sonic hearing right now, last night the snowflakes hitting the ground is probably what woke me up.  Since we have been home i sleep like 11:45-2am and then I am awake from 2-4 and then usually can sleep again from 4-5am.  The worst part is laying there in the dark questioning every little thing I feel.  My arm tingles, my foot tickles, instantly leads your mind to a bad spot.   So I went online today and ordered these amazingly dorky sleep headphones.  Apparently it's pajamas for your ears.  Whatever,  I am ready to try anything.  I HATE taking medicine and don't want to be the lady that has to take sleep medication to sleep through the night.   Stupid Amazon doesn't have their drones up and running yet or I would be sporting them in a photo for you as they would have already have arrived on my door step.   Instead they are set to arrive on December 27th.  I will let you know how they work.  Hoping they drown out the snoring from Jamie.  He's been sleeping pretty hard these last few nights, poor guy is dealing with a lot too but my gosh the snoring is MADDENING!

I had a small burst of energy tonight right after we got the boys to bed and Jamie and I got some stuff cleaned up around the house which felt good.  He is currently putting stickers on a parking garage that we set up for the boys.  He's probably overdue for a cocktail which I forbid him from having because it would most likely make him snore louder.  Tough shit buddy.  :)  I hope to wrap up this post, take my medicine and then put away some laundry until the medicine sets in.  Usually takes about 45 minutes and all of a sudden if feels like a giant hand starts pushing me into the ground.  It's the weirdest thing.  Makes me feel SO bad for all the shitty medicine Owen has dealt with for the last so many years.  He truely has walked around much of his life feeling like a zombie, i am sure of it but he's SO happy and cute!  SEE what I mean?! Have you ever seen a more perfect face?  I do NOT look this happy OR cute on my seizure medicine, I can assure you of that.

 

But I also know understand why I have so many photos like this.  This is pretty much what I feel like doing all day or at least 80% of the day. 

 

A thanks again to all the love and support we have been receiving from everyone.  It is definitely keeping my sanity.  I am so sorry if I haven't responded to your email or messages on Facebook yet.  Please keep sending them, I am reading them, they are lifting me up, passing the time as I lay awake in bed.  I will get start responding soon.  Still just getting in the groove. 

I have to end this post with a note from a friend I have from Canada.  Katie and I became friends back we were both pregnant with our first children through a website called iVillage.  We have never met in real life but I have a strong group of support from this women who all had babies back around September 2008.  Most of us have NEVER met in real life but are a fierce support system to each other.  Anyways, Katie has a way with words, always has.  This was a note to me from her
"I'm really sorry this is happening to you. It's a shitty deal, no matter how you lay it out. I'm really glad you're feeling positive. I'm still hoping for the big "Not cancer, just an asshole-tumor" news. The world is full of them, and this one just sort of landed in your brain!" - Katie T